Assignment 1: Formal Letter (Descriptive reflection)
Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Ong Kah Wei, a year 1 student of sustainable
infrastructure engineering (building service). I am writing a letter to
introduce myself so you can get to know me better. I graduated from Building and Construction
Authority Academy with a diploma in facility management for three years. The
reason for choosing an engineering course is because it allows me to do the
investigation in the activities that have to do with critical ideas. Besides, I
can also build up my independence by making self-decision and trying out my
opinion.
In terms of the strength in communication, I would initiate
myself to communicate with others. Before starting to make a communication, I
will think about how to let the other person feel comfortable. For example, I
can start with a greeting and self-introduce to reduce the awkwardness in the
atmosphere, rather than wait for people around me to talk to me.
English grammar is my weakness in communication. I always
afraid and worry about the people who have not fully understood when I
communicated. It happened when I was doing a presentation. My lecturer asked
many questions because she could not understand some parts and I presented the
slide unwell.
My goals in this module are improving my grammar to refine my
public speaking and pronunciation in a presentation. I can use imitation to
improve my pronunciation of English in this module by delivering the speech or
conversation what I heard in my own words. Moreover, I want to improve my
writing skill. I am always lost for words when the assignment comes to me. It
causes the organization informally and will not deliver my thoughts
properly. Hope I can overcome my
grammar error in this module.
As an extrovert, I love to be myself and make the atmosphere well during the process of communication, which differentiates me from the other students. Although my words may hurt others, I will try to change myself. People are not perfect. I believe that I can change myself under your guidance as part of my journey life.
Best regards,
Ong Kah Wei
SIE 2020 Group 3
I have read Dexter, Keiman, Bryan Lim and Celine
Strongly agree terry that you are an extrovert, you are not afraid to voice out during class and giving the team unique suggestion. Being an extrovert takes courage and confidence which will greatly benefit you in the long run.
ReplyDeleteThank you Dexter!
DeleteDear terry
DeleteIt is nice reading through your blog and understand much more as a friend. The content of your post is well thought and you answer require.
firstly I feel there are some grammatical error u made or the word choice wasn't right
" I can start with a greeting and self-introduce to reduce the awkwardness in the atmosphere,"
it would be better if you wrote self introduction instead of self introduce.
secondly, for the weakness part u wrote" I always afraid and worry about the people who have not fully understood when I communicated. "
it would be better to rephrase to I am always afraid and worry instead of " I always" to me it seems a bit broken even though I get the meaning of it.
lastly for the last paragraph u wrote " People are not prefect", I would suggest " Not everyone are prefect" to make it clearer and neater.
I hope the suggestion I provided was helpful
your sincerely
Dexter
Hello Dexter,
DeleteThank you for you sharing, I will take note with it and improve it next time.
Best regards,
Terry.
Thanks, Terry. I'll give more detailed feedback once more of your comrades have commented.
ReplyDeleteI can tell you are an extrovert and your approach to communicate with others is very strong. I like that you have confidence to speak up for yourself and be yourself.
ReplyDeleteHello Celine,
DeleteThank you for your response. There are still some improvements that I need to take note.
Best regards,
Terry.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Kah Wei,
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to know more about you through this letter. Thank you for sharing about yourself. I am writing to share my opinions about your letter.
In terms of the content, I think that you have answered all the questions given in your letter. You shared with us about your educational background and your interest in engineering. Then, it is followed by your strength and weakness in communication. You also told us about your goals and how you are different from others in this letter.
Regards to the paragraph organization, you shared the main points with the supporting evidence, making the letter easy to understand and fluent to read.
Lastly, in the second paragraph, you wrote "how to let the other person feel comfortable."I think that you can shorten it by writing as "how to make others comfortable." In the fourth paragraph, "delivering the speech or conversation what I heard in my own words.", I would suggest replacing "what I" into "that I".
I hope these suggestions can help with your letter. Thank you.
Best regards,
Kei Man
Hello Keiman,
DeleteThank you for sharing and correcting my mistakes. I will take note with them.
Best regards,
Terry.
Dear Terry,
ReplyDeleteThanks for this detailed letter. You do a good job covering the various assignment requirements, and you do so in a fairly complete fashion. I'm impressed by all the feedback from your peers. I'm also happy to learn that you are embracing the need to work on your language fluency. We can start here.
In terms of language use, this post has a few areas for you to consider:
1. lack of clarity
-- The reason for choosing an engineering course is because it allows me to do the investigation in the activities that have to do with critical ideas. > (Explain how your research into various 'activities' can lead you to reviewing 'critical ideas.' I might also ask: what sort of research? which ideas?)
-- Besides, I can also build up my independence by making self-decision and trying out my opinion. > What do you mean by 'trying out my opinion'?
-- It causes the organization informally and will not deliver my thoughts properly. > What does 'it' refer to? What do you mean by 'causes the organization'?
2. sentence structure
-- People are not perfect, I believe that I can change myself under your guidance as part of my journey life. > (comma splice)
-- It happened when I was doing a presentation, my lecturer asked many questions because she could not understand some parts and I presented the slide unwell. > (coma splice)
For me your more problematic language issues boil down to usage. Perhaps you've spent most of your life translating from Mandarin into English? Whatever the case, we won't adopt the magic pill approach in this class. There is no simple way to 'overcome my grammar errors.' What you probably need more than anything is to use English more: speak more often than not in English, read a lot more in English, participate in class in English, leave your comfort zone in English.
I look forward to facilitating your development.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor,
ReplyDeleteThank you for you feedback! I will take note and keep those lessons in my minds. I will try my best to improve it.
Very appreciate to you again!
Best regards,
Terry.